To shame or not to shame?

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This is a question.

There are points to be made for both. This is definitely not new age. Let me explain.

Without shame, we would not know the difference between right and wrong behavior, and train ourselves to act accordingly. It is corrective in certain doses, if it is not soaked in recrimination.

The trick is to the use the energy of shame, of the knowledge that you have not acted rightly, to confront the very energy that feeds the behavior: a clue is that it usually feels like a sticky or stuck-like pattern. It is uncomfortable to look at, at first, until you get the hang of the sensation, which can be likened to a “slow burn”, because, let’s face it, you are using your consciousness to free a part of your consciousness that is not fluid, it is therefore seemingly solid and a “part” of yourself. Yet this kind of work is not self-devaluation. It is the opposite. It is the necessary and loving housekeeping to keep you from crossing the line into inappropriate behavior that is disrespectful and makes you sluggish or (and I speak from experience here) a portion of energy of your self that has been cut off because of misunderstanding its essential need for knowing it is also part of the All That Is (what we know of as Source) – while it puts others on edge, it is also part of the All. All that is “IS” All that is. Nothing is separate from That, which is the I AM. It just is a portion that has forgotten it is Love, and in the forgetting, has forged ahead to experience the flavors of that forgetting – hence the boundaries and necessity of a certain amount of shame. I know what I am talking about intimately from experience. Take this morning with an interaction with one of my family members, for example ! (ha!)

Let’s be real. This is the work we came here for, isn’t it? Let’s not shy away from our birthright to be badasses of consciousness – to raise our standards for our own ability to live in peace and freedom of our true nature.

And what is that nature? It is, essentially, pure awareness. It has no need for the patterns that keep us spinning (another form of stuckiness is, ironically, the loop!) (and by the way, I just added “stuckiness” to my dictionary because LOVE LOVE the word which is a cross of stuck and stickiness).

Think of it as cross-training. There are moments when you are going to have to face what we call “darkness” which is just energy that we have come to believe means something (it doesn’t, for as Master Toni Petrinovich teaches, all energy is neutral) – you are going to have to unshame yourself for believing that the unconscious energy is you just because you allowed it. This is an important step because it creates the necessary space for the energy to be seen, looked at, and therefore, by proxy, not an essential part of who you are.

This is the moment you may need to stand firm in your sovereignty – release the knowing of your divinity, which is synonymous with your capability to call a spade a spade, and not let anything deter you – until whatever you are facing is satisfied that you are sincere. That is akin to transmutation or transcendence. To not fight the fear or selfish energy patterns that appear in your field (they are not there by accident, but by a certain agreement, ultimately, if you will, for your self discovery) and use the energy of shame to your advantage. For shame is really a deep, heart felt longing to enact your integrity in life and to offer your own encouragement, love and upliftment to yourself and thereby to your human family.

There could be no more sacred work. This is The Work, and you are not alone. Millions of humans are taking stock, looking within at their truth and allowing it to inform their enactment of their vibration. It is a flow and a glow, and a beautiful sight to see.

There is nothing in your way, there is nothing, really to say, but to remain quite quiet and know.

“Be still and know” (that I AM God) the Bible verse shares a wondrous mantra, that, if experienced non-mechanically – not just a mental repetition, but a tool to scale the depths of your worthiness – can give you utter permission to be in a position to remain quiet.

It is such an honor to bring this forward for us all at this moment in time. I am so on our side, cheering us on.

To Love it all, the portion of the world, in the form of our unconscious longing, that is sad and lost and coming to us for understanding and Love and absolution.

We can do it. I have your back. Will you have mine?

Humble as a blade of grass and so Mighty as a soaring bird. I am You and You are me. Can I speak like this? Will you understand?



How did you meet Toni?

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This question is sometimes asked when I talk about working with Master Teacher, Toni Petrinovich. She is “my” Master Teacher in this life, though there are many of those who study with her and many she is preparing to, in turn, cheer on our fellow humans in this experience of embodiment. My qualifications are humble. I have just endeavored to say “yes” to growing into being a conduit of divine love, or love without condition. You know, the growth that enables you to sort of master your experience and live a life of peace. You become more and more masterful at expressing, releasing the Heart knowing ~ the impersonal heart that is more neutral and has a natural detachment because we know we are so much more than the labels we seem to come here wearing. This is a selfish act, though, to be sure, in that you allow yourself to flow downstream with well-being, choosing happiness simply because it is available and feels good, over needing to seem in control. Like we (I) said, humble.

The labels that I unwittingly and yet voluntarily took upon myself to wear were by design (Truly designer labels – ha!) and included many of the fibers that bind together and create a veil of forgetfulness; you know, concepts such as separation or loneliness, a sense of not having and not being “enough”, victim-hood and feeling put-upon which also can host a flavor of abandonment which arrives upon our birth into duality and polarity as a newborn.

The spiritual amnesia allows us to experiment with the many different colors and flavors of the human experience since it introduces attachment to fear states. My goodness what courage it must take to make a life here with so much veiled from our awareness! And, we who have exercised this courage speak from experience: perhaps I wouldn’t have had the impetus to awaken had there not been the necessity of slowing down to address all of the discomfort felt from ignoring the prompting of wholeness or spirit. To address all of the literal and figurative bumps and bruises of life with wisdom and understanding so as to feel at home here.

This is massive undertaking that does not need to be overestimated. Around my late twenties, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than I had been doing things. A conscious prayer of “I would like some assistance” for this endeavor went up. To be sure, preparing for this moment was the realization that it was and is possible to live a life with more grace and ease.

Enter, Fernando. My partner entered my life in 2003, close to twenty years ago. This meeting ushered in much joy and healing energies that further propelled the desire to live a life of grace – enacting gracious energies. While this meeting did its profound work, we welcomed our daughter Elizabeth and our Son Arthur into the world, further deepening the energy and will to enact life in freedom and love. So.

Here, in between the birth of our children is where Toni made her grand entrance. Actually, it was a very quiet and unassuming entrance that seemed “happenstance”. A chance comment from a new friend and the wonders of internet research yielded a you tube video (!) of Toni talking about – actually channeling – the Light Orbs. As I would later describe to Toni, and as she graciously printed on the back of one of her books, her energy prompted me to “want in”. It seemed both deeply grounded, and as strong as it was gentle. She appeared Embodied fully and also engaging in joyful activity in service to the whole. Can anyone say “Eureka?!”. Like a parched plant in the noon-day sun, I lapped up the living water of her teachings, readings and our many correspondences via phone, Skype and email. She was so available to my yearning Heart that I couldn’t but help to grow strong and wise in my divine self-authorship! So many fears and patterns shed and so many knowings reacquainted. Becoming reacquainted with my I AM presence and staying put in the Heart have been trademark results of her teachings. Surrender and releasing fear based stories encourage one to then go for the really juicy stuff ~ living as love-light and sharing your gifts through its beams! Recently a friend and fellow student shared he has been just beaming his heart-light to the all, and that it feels so good. I concur.

This is a time, while on earth, for going within and reflecting on divine attributes, since it is here that we really experience what they can mean. To have friends and mentors in support of this truth is so beyond ~ it is a gratitude that cannot be conveyed in words.

So, I will end this post wordlessly, and beaming so much love! Thank you so much, Life!



The joy of humility

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This title to a friend’s facebook post has been resonating and percolating for me. Nicky Hamid has a website and youtube channel that you can check out as well.

In his post, he talks about the no-thing-ness, the void, the I AM-ness being a synonym for humility. Since the void is difficult to speak about, since really there is no such thing as nothing, even in a vacuum, we end up going into metaphysics and quantum mechanics to talk about what a “thing” is, in terms of properties such as particles (quanta) and waves and entanglement and non-locality, which is all fine. So.

Humility, as a word, has also been difficult to speak about and live. It is easy to say “walk a mile” (in someone else’s shoes) and also to recognize that everyone, including me and you, are doing are best, and those in our lives who we feel are misguided are just “beings” having “experience” ~ all of this is true, and it is correct and it is humility.

To take it a step further and live it requires a deep honesty that is born of really confronting all of the favorite illusions and stubborn corners that require scrubbing, if you know what I mean. The hard-headed and selfish ways that we grow accustomed to belie our reliance on our simplicity. I know that I feel like quite an enlightened being ~ until I “return home for a visit with relatives” or when “my child pushes my buttons”. Also, I don’t really know what humility looks like all the time. I have grown to that understand other’s insensitivity does not mean you do not set firm boundaries. It is an act of humility to say “I am not evolved enough to be around you without being triggered at the moment”. It is an act of humility to also surrender to not having my way all the time. The way I think things should look often doesn’t correspond to my happiness, anyway. The old adage do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy, is applicable here.

So. The joy of humility. Having preferences, yet not bowing to them. Having judgements or doubts but questioning them. Over-reacting or under-responding and owning it. This is what makes the Lion Roar: the feeling like there is nothing you cannot handle, like there is nothing that you will not sort of “take-on” or own.

This brings me to the role of the joker. Our modern day fools , the stand-up comics and folks who write comedy are on the front lines with this material, and we do owe a debt of gratitude to those who make us laugh at ourselves, as much as our sages and wise-ones who council not to take it all so seriously.

Wear life like a loose garment, we are told in Al-anon, Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12 step rooms. This is prescient for me as I recognize myself solidly in middle-age. Literally, I do not like to wear jeans for more than a few hours, shedding them for soft and stretchy leggings or cotton and rayon slacks as well as any formal footwear as soon as their use has been fulfilled. I also used to spend a lot of time worrying what people were thinking about me, how I was being perceived, and this sort of “addiction” has become quite worn and thread-bare. Finally, I find myself loving the parts of me that society taught me to discard or ignore. This practice of gathering all of my self is a growing intimate connection with my heart, and it is joyful, because then I see my multifaceted heart reflected in all of humanity, including my family and neighbors and community, and the humility, the recognition, grows and expands with each ability to say “this is me, too”. The mind is sort of out of its league, here, since it is out of its depths, and the depths of me is the great gift of recognition, and its authentic expression is joy unleashed.

Thank you, Dear Ones

Original Text
When to the sessions of sweet silent thought I summon up remembrance of things past, I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought, And with old woes new wail my dear time’s waste. Then can I drown an eye unused to flow, For precious friends hid in death’s dateless night, And weep afresh love’s long since cancelled woe, And moan th’ expense of many a vanished sight. Then can I grieve at grievances foregone, And heavily from woe to woe tell o’er The sad account of fore-bemoanèd moan, Which I new pay as if not paid before.   
But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,   All losses are restored, and sorrows end.

Shakespear’s Sonnet #30 has always been relevant in my life. I stumbled upon it in college whilst taking a class on his plays, which was a big eye-opener for me, as Shakespeare had a way of writing with such clarity and lack of B.S., that I felt like my weekly classes were Satsang: that I was in the company of great truth, and whilst there, everyone was my truest and dearest friend. Simply put, in the intellectual atmosphere of University, my Heart had a chance to commune. Communion Holy in a Secular classroom.

Who is this dear friend? The visage has changed over the years, for sure. It has taken many forms, including animal, human, inanimate, momentary, long-term, deliberate, unconscious and such.

The Dear friend is my very self reflected back to me in all of us who have dared to “Dive In” to the Earth experiment at this time. The waves upon waves of beings from my lifetime and before and are here with me now, willing to engage in material existence without a clue as to what may come next, yet willing to face it all, to choose and course-correct and share and love.

What Shakespeare appears to be saying, to me, is that stuff happened, and stuff happens. Sometimes it comes up for review and sometimes you may wallow in the review as if it were a fresh and not an old wound. This is natural, and maybe even necessary at moments. And yet. And yet the bright spot, that love, that teacher, that friend, that pet, that moment, that turn of events, the grace, the unheralded support: that shifting of focus to the loving moment, the “friend” can reignite the heart and cancel the myriad disappointments. And if I could, I would, through these words, transmit the depth of the feelings I have for this reality to you so that all doubt about your capacity to realize what is being said here wash away attachment to fear for eternity.