Example of a Recital Program

Songs of Recognition Ki Empowerment Center, 933 High Street, Suite 120B, Worthington, OH 43085 December 19, 7pm Love donation accepted

This recital of original compositions narrates Katie’s  journey as she blends her musical training with her awareness of the I AM presence within.  It begins with original settings of popular religious texts, then explores original texts and music and ends with a group soul song portrait that is composed intuitively.

Songs by soprano Kathryn Hart Teixeira

Om Ma (chant and invocation)

Ave Maria 23rd Psalm

* Fontana di aqua viva (Fountain of the living water)  Text:  oh heart, oh soul.  Fountain of the living water, I thirst no more.  Italian: O Cuore, Anima mia.  Fontana di aqua viva, ho sete non di piu.

Let your soul take flight~

Let there be peace on earth/Dona Nobis Pacem

It is well with my soul

I AM

This is what it is to be me, as I AM (featured on Utube below)

Dissolving in the heart (or “devotion”)*

Intuitive music to bless the group (aka Group Soul Song)

* denotes a brief pause in the program

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=LmLDwqKpoNM

The Tribe

I’ve released myself from attachment to the idea of”The Tribe”, as I’m calling it.  I am happy letting people be people and taking only that which I want.

This has not always been the case.  I clung to the popular crowd of kids in Junior high and early highschool.  I envied those in my elementary classes who had social charm – who seemed to be at the top of the heap – at ease with their body and with esteem from other kids.  I associated their behavior with feeling loved and worthy, and it may have been so for some of these kids.  I learned that, for me, running with the popular crowd when I was an early teen had their consequences.  I did not feel at home in my skin.  I crafted my words to entertain and impress those around me.  My clothing and way of speaking and holding myself were devoted to ensuring some sort of position that seemed to guarantee status, company and admiration.

When the price of status seemed too high, I switched company from popular kids to kids who loved me.  I was still seeking validation and admiration, though.   I wanted to bring honor to myself and my tribe.  My family.  I sensed that my family needed contrast to the anger and hurt that seemed to be festering beneath the masks of my parents marriage.  I would be a bright spot for them, child-mind reasoned, by becoming so good that they will love me and want to be together and be happy.  Magical thinking goes both ways, thankfully.

As powerless as I am to use magical thinking to change others am I empowered to use spiritually and emotionally healthy thinking to create change in myself.  Since I am the microcosm, every thing that I perceive becomes framed by this magical thinking.

Now, my yearning to see the beauty in every person I come across and to feel the beauty I see creates magical changes in my life.     In fact, I’m getting along better with all sorts of people who I used to find difficult.  Who are my “peeps?”  Who aren’t?

For The Love of God

Why would I want to go deeper than the level of my personality?  Why did I begin “poking around the veneer” of this personality so many years ago?

 

Often times in my life, I have made shifts at the level of personality that have allowed me to function in a smoother way . . . for a while.

The gift of psychotherapy, for me, was giving me a chance to validate the personality I had created.  It was purely my creation – in formed by my experiences and intuition and fears and hopes.  It is the face I present to the world and the one that I take credit for – for better or for worse.  So, much has been invested in when it comes to the level of personality, for me.

And yet, with about 10 years of therapy for use as a reference, I found myself creating patterns in my life that made relating in a satisfying way to myself (and others, subsequently) at an arms length.  Psychotherapy advocates emotional intelligence, yet often misses the grand picture question “who or what am I, fundamentally?”

When I began redefining myself, moment by moment, from the perspective of spiritual intelligence, the emotional component followed (follows) suit so much easier!  In retrospect, though I value my path deeply exactly how it unfolds, I save so very much time by addressing this spiritual component.  By working directly with my blueprint and the intuitive knowledge it contains for me interfacing with apparent physical reality, I get to the heart of every matter.  I see and release patterns swiftly, and become one with the absolution I seek.

Though I may procrastinate for reasons that are not always conscious, I know that any craggy edge I find in my personality, any hardened response coming from my inner being, any rickety structure of belief that I may be standing on, have an opportunity to dissolve and resolve themselves when I go to the level of my essential beingness and my reason for being here:

 

For me, it is to grow in the awareness of love through experience.  Or, as my late friend Katherine puts it “For the Love of God.”

Fernando

The next two anniversaries that I like to celebrate have, in my heart, my beloved husband, Fernando (Feb. 14, or St. Valentine’s Day, and March 13, Wedding Anniversary).

How can it be that the one person who asks me to walk my talk in utter integrity day by day, moment by moment, is also my great cheerleader and supporter?

Let me illustrate:

About a year after I married my beloved husband, Fernando, I began to poke around the veneer of my personality to see what was underneath.  This is a direct result of how loved and safe I felt in my marriage.  Truly beloved and cherished.

The counselor that I had been working with received a call one day.  I was in a state of panic and fear that had no clear source, and I was reaching out for help.  Her response, in so many words, was that I had better not go in the direction I was going (deeper) or I would lose my husband, Fernando.

oh, how little did she know about this man that I had married.  I am not saying that Fernando has relished seeing his wife endure pain.   I am not saying that he wouldn’t prefer that those that he love were in balance and well-being eternally.

And yet, his steadfastness and love, to me, was a clear message that seemed to say “if you have the courage to go deeper, then I have the courage to support you.”  To my credit, I am in the drivers seat of my life.  I care enough about myself to reach out for help when I need it, and to receive the help I am given.  I have been hard-wired to discover my true self – since I can remember.  It is my nature to seek until I find.  And now, after some time practicing this, I am finding whatever I seek, within.  It’s been 8 years since the moment described above . . .

. . .and what a joyous leg of the journey this is for me.  I get to share all that I am finding with those around me, and I have the conviction, from experience, that every person has the same ability to find their own self within themself.

I walk my talk, I am walking my talking, and DEAR FERNANDO, you have brought me so much courage, inspiration and comfort.  This post is for you!

 

 

 

AM 820

Turning the dial on the radio this morning, looking for nothing in particular, I landed on the 10am Catholic Radio spot for Sister Mary.  She was discussing Mercy.  I tuned in with my whole heart to an almost offhand comment she made.  She said it takes a big heart to forgive and an even bigger heart to forget.  “That’s it!” my heart beamed, “that’s a piece of your puzzle.”

You see, I had been stuck in remembering the actions of someone close to me that affected me deeply.  I was remembering the bitterness of the moment and the anger and hurt and confusion.  It seemed to be a moment crystallized in time – one that was the container for many similar moments where my tender heart was schooled in the vibrational offerings available on this planet.

I want to forgive and forget this experience – forget not in a mental concept sort of way, but in an absolution sort of way.  To absolve, resolve, dissolve the chords of fear and anger that keep me connected to, well, fear and anger.  Where do I turn?  I turn within.  I will sit in silence with an absolution ritual from http://www.sacredspaceswa.com that I have memorized.

But one more point is worth making – actually, several points are worth making, to me:  1) anger and bitterness have their place.  What do I mean by this?  In the School of Life, I have been introduced and have embraced the phenomenons known as suppression and repression.  I have all too often glossed over hurtful events in my life in an effort to control the environment and to therefore “fit in”.  Sort of like “if I don’t admit it to myself, it didn’t happen”, or I don’t have to deal with it.  The opposite has also been true.  I have also thought that if I stare long and hard enough at the moment, event, person, et.al, that I can focus enough heat, energy, sadness, anger, whatever, to burn the event up – to make it combust and not exist.  Or perhaps to burn through the anger using anger. I have given myself enough time with the efforts of extreme in this manner to discover that it doesn’t work in the long run.  The law of resonance says that what I deny I attract and what I admit to, I attract.

There’s a middle of the road approach, and that is what I am coming to now.

2) At the other end of the spectrum, I never want to forget.  You know the saying “forgive and forget” – the all too often speak easy platitude that is the platform of the spiritually hungry?  I am spiritually full, and intend to stay that way.  I intend to remember, to not forget, my self.  If there is a jewel in the difficult situation, which there always is, and most times there are several depending on my state of awareness, it is that I am my keeper.  I am the only one who can experience and declare my truth to myself, for myself.  Emotional honest is a luxury I CAN afford.  It costs me apparent worldliness.  It costs me the reliance on exterior appearances for my sense of safety and well-being.  It costs me every thing.  This is precisely what I want.  For no “thing” can contain my truth.  My truth is personal and subjective and mine.  My connection to it is all that I truly have.  It is all that I truly am – this connection, and I reach for it in times of difficulty or stress.  I reach for it in times of joy and peace.  My life is becoming synonymous, now, with joy and peace.

3) my friendships are created and dissolved through emotional attachment, only.  Dear _____________(- person that I’ve known for decades), I love you and yet I don’t want to spend much time with you.  Isn’t that strange?  I’ve decided to make good friends with my heart and to be my own keeper and to take responsibility for myself and to experience and radiate my worthiness and to be aware of my thoughts and feelings and emotions and to focus my energy and attention on expanding my awareness and developing my capacity for unconditional love and compassion.  I have, in part because of you, devoted much time and effort and taken great pains to recover the aspects of myself that I have ignored.  And know that though I have unending gratitude towards you for the role you have played in my life, a role of contrast, I’m just going to move along now to what feels good and right and beautiful to me.  Thank you and goodbye, for now.

4) the mercy I extend to others is the mercy I feel for myself.

5)  I don’t care about objective truth.  I’ve had enough with rational thought or with considering the opinions of others.   They can never matter to me.  My relationship to my truth is the only thing I have in common with anyone and my clarity in this matter involves both my head and my heart.

Yes,  friend,we are one, and yet, paradoxically, and just as important, we are individual.  My individuality is my salvation, for it is the meeting ground for communion.

I see that I am making friends with paradox, that is the culmination of this post.

Containment

con·tain
/kənˈtān/
Verb
Have or hold (someone or something) within.
Be made up of (a number of things); consist of.
Synonyms
hold – include – comprise – restrain

In this blog I am exploring the concept that is “Containment.”  I have had it suggested to me by more than one person that I might benefit from “containing myself.”  I don’t know why, but it seems that after years of being aware of this concept, I am finally ready to embrace it.

I am finally ready to embrace “me.”  I put it in quotes, because there are so very many me’s to contain and embrace.  There are approximately 8 billion of me in human form, etc., you get the idea.  Courtesy of dictionary.com, I read that to contain means to have or hold, someone or something, within.  I love this definition.  To hold myself within.  In this moment, I imagine all of the swirls of energy that comprise my full energetic body being focused within – it seems its a way of being emotionally tidy.  I have been deeply impressed by those in my life who have had difficulty containing or holding themselves and I have been deeply impressed by those in my life who seem to rest in the ease and grace of self containment.

Lest I become too wordy in my exploration of this concept, I will switch gears to a poem-prose, which is a way for me to express in a more symbolic arena, how I am feeling about applying this concept in my life, as I am:

In this moment,  I see the blue of my childhood room.

The wallpaper with holly-hobby images  ~

and I crawl into my childhood bed and stare

at this wall.  It feels so solid, it feels so holy.

Holy wall?  This wall holds me.  It holds me, wholly.

It holds me in its holiness.  I merge with this wall.

I am the wall.  I am safe.

The water at Brendell Beach holds me

I am beholden in the water.  I sink into its softness

I am baptized again and again.  The communal bath

of bathers

holds me.  Stripped to our suits, stripped of our pretense,

we hold each other.  I am the water. I am safe.

My friend suggests, “contain yourself.”

“Grow more loving towards yourself.”

I see another Katie in another time and another place-

she seems to hold herself so easily, with no apology,

almost taking it for granted.

I can learn, too, to sort of “take for granted” – just a little bit-

holding myself.  I can let it be

Let me be, as I am, just so easily

that forgetting to do so is but a foreign land

that visited me once.

Yes, I welcomed it.  Yes, I have welcomed forgetting.

and now, now

it is time for remembering.

The will of God invites it, the will of God

suggests it, the will of God, in my heart,

demands it.  In the most gracious and contained way:

for my will and God’s will to be one,

For our hearts to be blended with ease and grace,

I exhort myself to hold myself – with a wink in my eye,

since

it is really an invitation from me to me

to celebrate

Yes, to celebrate

the life that I am

by holding myself,

containing myself,

continually.

I am sharing my friend’s blog with all of the readers for it has meaning to me, and I feel its message is so universal, it may have meaning for you, too.

Dedication 1/11

 

This life, my life, is dedicated

to the inner silence

that hosts the chorus

of the angels.

There is no more room

for doubt:  “no room at the inn!”

and I find myself everywhere

as every thing.

This calling from me to me

that says:

“Will you know yourself?

Will you bring forward

the awareness of

your anointing?

Will you be the light

that you are?

I answer:

“I will know myself.  I will

bring forward the awareness

of my anointing.  I will

be the light that I am.”

 

Is there anything left to ask?

Is there anything left to answer?

 

I dedicate my life to my self –

I consecrate this life to the one heart

 

It is all one and we honor it, fully.

 

 

 

Tribute to Katherine

Dearest Katherine (1943-2013 – physical life on earth)

It is with a heart full of gratitude

and love that I honor you today.

Your life touched mine in ways

that I am still recognizing.

When I felt worthless, you held

me in the vision of worthiness.

When I felt resplendent, you celebrated

my joy – making it your own.

The ups and downs of my life as a human

recognizing her true self were held in the highest regard

by your unswerving gaze.

Thank you for daring to care, Katherine,

Thank you for demonstrating true compassion:

for letting people be people.

Thank you for reminding me not to let my vibration

go below enjoyment for any person, place or thing.

Thank you for your devotion to the One Heart

and for always offering your best to the world.

Thank you for allowing yourself to shift so fearlessly

and thank you for just being you.

I treasure you now and always

and I count it a rare privilege

to be your friend.

Blessings to you

in this transition –

a wondrous leg of your journey.

I miss you and love you.

The Angels are no doubt

busy in the welcoming their own.